I have expanded the mission of my Year of Consuming Consciously, which begins Jan. 1. Not only will I attempt to be more thoughtful about how I spend my money, I will also be attentive to what I consume with my mind. I've been noticing that a lot of what passes as media and entertainment these days causes me psychic pain. Maybe the change is in me; I just notice it more. Maybe the change is in the world. But when did we as a society get so mean?
Oh, I know meanness has been around since the world was born. Dark is the natural companion to light. In a world history that includes the crucifixion of Jesus, the Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, the genocide of Native Americans, the Salem witch trials, the Holocaust, ethnic cleansing in Bosnia, the enslavement of generations of Africans and black Americans, and other atrocities...well, let's just say my generation didn't invent coldness, selfishness, hatred, spite and evil. But nowadays, we seem to take special joy in negativity.
The Internet is one of the places to watch modern meanness blossom. I subscribe to Spoken Life's videos on You Tube. She always has something compelling to say. In the post below, where she laments the loss of a fellow video blogger who was chased from the Web by meanness, she gets at what I've been feeling for a while:
This is bigger than nasty comments on video blogs. Think about it, we have an entire exploding gossip industry based on revealing other people's dirty laundry, mocking bad photos of their big bottoms, tittering at their sexuality, and questioning the dark motives behind the positive things they do. TMZ and Perez Hilton are popular because we take pleasure when bad things happen.
And it's not just about celebrity either. It is every issue that should be important to us. I blame Karl Rove and the Republican machine, in part, for creating an "us" vs. "them" mentality in this country, as it relates to social issues. Of course, no matter which side of the political fence you stand, "us" is always right and "them" is always wrong, not just wrong--evil, unpatriotic and the list of negatives go on. Have you listened to right or left talk radio recently? The vitriol! The name-calling! It's not about discussing issues and coming to a solution for our society; it is theater. And it is mean.
Everyday people seem more callous. In a conversation about poverty recently, a friend saw poor people as victims. They need only to pull themselves up by their boot straps, you see. His problem with funding poverty programs is that they help the lazy and irresponsible, as well as the few folks that deserve it. Who the hell cares if some lazy guy gets a hand out if a child living in poverty gets to eat tonight? Why are we so stingy...and mean?
I was listening to "Whatever with Alexis and Jennifer," a show on Sirius Satellite Radio's Martha Stewart Channel. It is usually a fun little confection. They talk about girl stuff: dating, recipes, celebrities and such, with a little bit of snark, which I like. Lately, though, my favorite drive time show has become increasingly misanthropic. A couple weeks ago, they played the sickening audio of the man in Texas who dialed 911 to report a burglary next door, then gleefully went out and shot the perpetrators in cold blood. If you have heard this audio (it is all over the Net), then I hope it made your blood run cold, as it did mine. The caller takes such pleasure in preparing to shoot someone, and possibly end a life. Alexis and Jennifer, and their listeners, were unmoved though. Criminals deserve to die. Maybe the man was worried about the quality of his neighborhood diminishing. We should be able to shoot more people. Why are we so blood-thirsty...and mean?
Sometimes the lack of kindness in the world makes me tired. And it makes me sad to feel this most important quality is diminishing not growing. There is a lot of nasty stuff that we all should be angry about and fighting against--racism, sexism, war, poverty, consumerism. But if we don't believe in the inherent goodness of people, then what is the point? We need to fight for each other not against each other. I think you have to be kind enough to see the humanity in even your enemies.
What is the answer? I don't know. For me it starts with the way I live my life and write on my blog. But maybe we are lost. In a nod to Spoken Life: "On the other hand..." as sorry as our situation is, as long as there remains some goodness, some light, some compassion and some love in the world...there is always hope.
9 comments:
Good post. The excuse that gets me most for ridiculous cruel behavior is: thats just the way it is.
What a way to not accept responsibility for your behavior.
Particularly with celebs. "Oh well, if you didn't want people calling you a whore, climbing over your walls, looking through your trash and chasing you then you shouldn't be a celebrity. It comes with the territory."
Now some celebs more than hunt for attention but when I think of some of the nasty, childish things said and done to celebs it reflects on the people who do them and the people who are amused by it.
I can't remember the actress but she said she chose to be an actress, not a celebrity. Too bad many times they go hand in hand.
But, there are MANY actors who have successful careers w/o the paparazzi junk. I'm not throwing a pity patry for celebs.
And even on the Internet, being a jerk is used for the purpose of entertainment. Its the lowest denominator. Being a jerk is like being a rapper who always has naked women in his video--it wreaks of a lack of imagination and style.
I agree with this post.
I must admit that I used to be very mean-spirited, short sighted and ignorant, much like a lot of the people who frequently visit sites like Perez, and much like the person you were discussing poverty with. I can't even lie. It wasn't too long ago that I would have been one of the first people to call the poor lazy. I'm trying to figure out why and when that shift in perspective happened though, because that frame of mind seems light years away from my current one. I know it had A LOT to do with my decision to boycott TV, magazines, and a ton of internet sites/communities (so much of which is nothing but poisonous junk) in which ignorant and mean-spirited behavior is normalized and encouraged. It also had a lot to do with my discovery of social and political blogs, which spawned this insatiable interest in learning more about these issues.
I don't think we're lost yet, though. And the reason I say that is because of myself and the tons of other people who comment on the blogs I read, saying how grateful they are to the owners of these blogs for waking them up. Even if the posts you make aren't necessarily waking people up in one fell swoop, I definitely think that seeds are planted. I know that happened with me. I wasn't necessarily ready to face the truth that a lot of folks were speaking, and even though I "rejected" them and the truth, the seed was still planted. Of course, in the end, I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to accept the truth, continue to learn, and use my knowledge to effect positive change and become a better person, or ignore it and continue to act like an ignorant jerk. My choice.
Symphony,
I used to love the sweet schadenfreude of reading juicy, salacious celebrity gossip, until I realized what that love said about me. Watching the world watch Britney Spears run off the rails has been particularly sickening.
Jenn,
I'm glad you saw the light, girl. Reading social and activists blogs does help. It has helped me. When there are folks taking time out of their lives to run a blog devoted to making the world better, it is hard to justify wasting my energy being hateful and trying to find out the fate of Brangelina's union.
Hi Tami,
I totally agree with you. I think that the anonymity of the web allows a lot of people to express the meanness that was already in them in the first place.
99% of internet bullies would not have the guts to repeat their own rantings in person.
Also, it's easy sometimes to forget that there is a REAL, LIVE human being in front of the person that you are conversing with online... we have an emotional disconnect, which is the first major step in crippling one's conscience.
I used to be a 'defensive flamer'... meaning I was respectful most of the time, but the few times that someone threw a flame at me, I would completely destroy them in response. I would make a total fool of them. However, I always felt heavy hearted and sad after the anger wore off.
So I've stopped doing it. I direct my anger at circumstances and ideas instead of the people who create them. Not because my opponents all deserve respect, but because being mean hurts me more.
That being said, I think that some people genuinely need to be roasted because of their outrageous behavior. A certain amount of shunning/shaming is called for with several celebrities and public figures that I can name... R Kelly comes to mind. I just can't be the one to do it.
I agree, SheCodes. Anonymity gives people power. It's easier to act an ass toward a nameless, faceless person.
I should clarify, I don't think we should shy away from taking folks to the woodshed who need to be called out. I want R. Kelly's music off the airwaves. I want folks to quit celebrating his foolishness. I want him in jail. And I want him to get some psychological help.
I realize that Kelly is human and he is in need of help. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be punished. He should be. I just won't take pleasure in it...or, at least I'll try. Let's just say, I know I shouldn't take pleasure in it.
A young girl was violated and is likely not getting the counseling she needs. Her family failed to protect her. A successful man has jeopardized his family, career and freedom because of his perversion. His syncophants are enabling his dysfunction. This whole affair has not been the black community's finest hour. As a whole, we have made excuses for R. Kelly. Even if he does go to jail, there is nothing to take pleasure in.
Tami,
Here is what I've noticed in the media, especially the entertainment media; meanness is substituted for intellect.
I think a reason certain gossip blogs are mean is because it's much easier to be mean than to do research and know what you’re talking about.
It's a lot easier to say a celeb looks terrible than it is to critique their professional work.
Interesting post.
Yeah, as a sensitive person, it has never ceased to amaze me how horribly cruel we can be to each other.
At the same time, I am not without a few flaws myself. *grin*
I think that we, as humans, are in the process of evolution and that the current chaos that we are seeing (ie breakdown of family, mass media controlling values, etc.) is actually NOTHING compared to the sheer barbarism of past civilizations.
I think the bottom line is that we are still animals who react based on our most immediate needs and impulses. We are still evolving as a species.
Sometime the evolution can occur within one lifetime (ie, we mature) but for the human race, in general, we've got eons to go before Cruelty/War, etc. is a thing of the past.
But I do think we'll get there!
It's SO good to think about what your mind is consuming. I need to do more of that. Some of the comments on these gossip sites are just unbelievable. And Perez Hilton draws graphic imagery on folks pics. It's sick. But he got a TV show because it sells.
I find though that it's not just celebrities doing it. Before I left my job the gossip culture there was just awful and there was such a cruel energy. The whole workplace bullying thing has increased significantly as well. I think people are so unhappy and feel so powerless in their own lives that they lash out to try to feel powerful.
Tami great post. I read alot of different blogs and you are right there are some hateful stuff out there.
You will not find that from me because I am call to a higher place than that.
I really think we need more for real christian blogs and postive ones. Don't get me wrong there are some Christian blogs that are hateful too.
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