Wednesday, December 15, 2010

From the vault: The Britney Factory

[This post was originally published in November 2007, but not much has changed. Miley Cyrus bong video, anyone? The entertainment media is still on Lindsay Lohan screw up watch. They are more silent on Britney mainly, I think, because they have given her up as a lost cause. The good news is that Keke Palmer has a starring role in the Nickelodeon sitcom True Jackson, VP.]

While we're all enjoying the sweet schadenfreude of Britney Spears' spectacular flameout, we should remember to reserve some judgment and disgust for the music industry, and for ourselves--all of us inhalers of celebrity gossip. We're part of the machine that creates and destroys the Britneys and the Lindsays.

Clank…bang…whir…

Take an attractive young girl with talent, or maybe just a certain "it factor." Slim her body down; pump her breasts up. Make her blonde. (This works for black girls, too. See Beyonce.) Find some songs dripping with sexual innuendo, better yet, blatant come ons. Polish her voice in the studio and find a hot video director. Oil your product up and have her crawl on the floor, grind, thrust and booty bounce. Make sure she's ready for the haters with some vague talking points about girl power and embracing female sexuality, maybe something about a naughty alter ego. Get her on magazine covers, secure a makeup endorsement deal, start a line of perfumes. We're guaranteed to eat it up. We'll snatch up the magazines, and obsessively scour TMZ.com for photos of our pop starlet on vacation with her bad boy companion. We'll read the exclusive Vanity Fair interview and discuss our star's personal life obsessively at the water cooler, in chat rooms and on message boards. We'll confuse pretty and semi-talented with role model material.



Tink…bang…creak…


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